Tears of an Angel

I survived sexual abuse, physical abuse, and teasing all while growing up. I know what it means to have no self-esteem. I know what it feels like to feel shame, guilt, and a paralyzing fear for what was done. I felt like I was in a giant maze, fragmented memories I didn't want to believe, but they were real, some forever imprinted in my mind. Anger, I was so angry, frustrated with the pain I had inside. I just wanted it to go away. Self-destruction I couldn't understand; guilt and shame were overbearing. What had I done that was so wrong to make me feel this way? Why was I even born to bear this awful existence? Yes, all this ugliness, anger, fear, and self-loathing were all part of my childhood. I accepted it. I went through it all over again, but this time, I had to reconstruct my way of thinking. Change my way of thinking, it was one of the hardest, most difficult time period in my life. Today I can say through the help of our Lord Jesus Christ, he made it possible to heal. As I look back, I don't see the open infected wound I carried around. I see many scars on my mind, in my heart, even my soul. But thankfully and gratefully, I can say scars are a beautiful thing. They mean healing is possible. I now can say I am a survivor of child sexual abuse, physical abuse, and let's not forget the mental abuse, their words to the words of love, patience, longsuffering, gentleness, and kindness. First John 4:18 (KJV) states, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."